Penance
by Surreal Squirrel
Summary: Kate is struggling with feelings for Jimmy.   AU version of how I think Penance should have ended.


Disclaimer: Although I did re-watch this episode while I wrote this fic, that does not mean that I own Sanctuary; c'mon, if I did, it would be less Will-centric (he would probably be dead) and all of the amazing characters that have been killed off would still be alive. We all know that every single one of us could do better at writing this show than the actual writers, but unfortunately, we do not have that privilege. :)

_Right after "Penance" - Kate is struggling with feelings for Jimmy. (Let's all just assume that he didn't explode to make up for killing Kate's father, shall we? Let's pretend that he's all fine and dandy in some alternate Sanctuary universe where they don't feel the need to kill off every character I actually like.)An AU version of how I think the end of Penance should have gone. _

Kate Freelander sat alone on the yellow and green paisley patterned comforter on her bed, clutching desperately to the picture of her and her father. She tried not to think about what Jimmy had said in that cold room only hours previous because she knew that if she did, her view of her late father would change; she refused to have her memories of him corrupted, even if what Jimmy said was true.

So instead she kept her thoughts focused on the man who killed her father. For twenty years she had despised the man who had planted the bomb in that building and dreamed of meeting him to get her revenge. Kate was angry at herself that when she finally had the chance to avenge her father's death, her resolve weakened. She wasn't absolutely sure if it was just the idea of going back to her old ways and killing someone in cold blood that stopped her from hurting Jimmy or if it was her father's disappointed voice in her head that froze her - either way, she was sure of one thing at least; Kate was positive that after being angry at someone she didn't know the name of for so long had tired her. Sure, she was still devastated that her father wasn't alive anymore, but even though his killer wasn't dead, she felt like she had a sense of closure by knowing who had done the deed.

Besides, Kate had a slight affinity to Jimmy; although he _had_ killed her father, he felt horrible for it afterwards and realized it was a mistake. Planting the bomb had been his first big job, and she knew that there was also a time in her life when she would do anything, and kill anyone, just to get the money. She understood what it felt like to push the thoughts of the person's family and friends out of your mind, and she definitely remembered the adrenaline rush that came with such a job. Kate also knew that she now felt gut-wrenching guilt whenever she thought of all those old jobs she had taken - the ones that had killed lives, and she knew how much she wanted to go to all of the families of the people she had killed and just _apologize_. Jimmy did that, didn't he? In the end, wasn't he braver than her for saying he was sorry? Kate had never had the guts to do that, and Jimmy had, even when he knew she had access to a gun that could ultimately lead to his demise.

So the more Kate got to thinking about it, the more she admired Jimmy for what he had done. (Not the murdering her father part, of course, but for being brave and guilt-stricken enough to apologize.) He was brave, and certainly charming, and she had to admit that him hitting on her when she had a bullet in her chest made her chest hurt less and her heart beat faster. (That could have just been her body going into shock from all the blood loss, but the former sounded so much more romantic.) And so Kate came to the conclusion that Jimmy wasn't half bad - in fact, he wasn't bad at all; he was rather nice, and someone Kate could see herself being with.

But there was a battle going on inside her brain - and she wasn't sure which side she wanted to win.

_"C'mon, Kate, he's really sweet and definitely likes you."_ Kate thought to herself, smiling a bit.

_"No. Absolutely no way. He killed Dad and that is unforgivable."_ Kate's protectiveness of her family set in.

_"The past is the past, give it a shot!" _

_"HE KILLED DAD!"_

It went on like this for a while, but a knock at her dark wood bedroom door pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Kate, may I come in?" Helen called from out in the hallway.

"Sure thing, Doc." Kate replied, sitting up straighter in her full sized bed as her boss walked into her room.

"How are you feeling?" Magnus' British accent was heard as she sat down next to Kate.

"Mm, not as bad as when Jimmy tore the bullet out with a pocket knife, so I guess much better." Kate quipped and Helen chuckled lightly.

"Well I would say that is _very_ good news." Helen smiled at patted the younger woman's knee.

"Hey Doc?" The Indian woman asked quietly.

"What is it?" Magnus looked worried and she furrowed her brow as she spoke.

"Wa...did..." Kate struggled to find the right words, but after a few seconds she settled on some. "Can you still love him, Druitt, after what he did?"

Kate referenced to the fact that Magnus' former lover, John Druitt, was in fact Jack the Ripper and had almost killed Helen herself, and later on, their daughter Ashley.

Magnus took a long moment to think before sighed heavily and answered the younger woman.

"Well, what is your definition of love? I loved him before I knew what he had done, I love him because he is my daughter's father, and I loved him sometimes still even after I thought I had killed him and before Ashley was brought to term because I was alone and feeling sorry for myself." The age could be heard in Helen's voice. "And I think that I may still love him now, even after he has done so many cruel and unjust things - both to me and others because, as they say, 'old habits die hard.'"

"But he hurt your family, right? How can you love him after that?" Kate asked, thinking more about her own situation and craving guidance and wisdom from her boss.

"I can continue to love him because of who he is when that monster Jack has left him. I love him because of who he _was_ and who he _is_ when he is of his own mind, not controlled by another being." Helen spoke. "But, I suspect you didn't really ask because you were curious about my personal love life, am I right?"

Kate dipped her head down in partial embarrassment, which Helen took as a sufficient "yes."

"You want to know if it would be wrong of you to want to be with Jimmy, even though he killed your father, correct?"

"It's just that I know where he's coming from, ya know?" Kate motioned with her hands as she spoke. "I've messed up big time before, and now I feel horrible and so does he. But I just don't-" Helen interrupted Kate.

"You don't want to get involved with someone who might turn around and hurt you again." Magnus guessed. "I know the feeling, believe me, but you can't waste your life worrying. Now that is not to say that you shouldn't be a bit hesitant or cautious, but Jimmy seems like a perfectly acceptable gentleman; I wouldn't have worked with him otherwise."

The two women smiled briefly; Helen because she thought of Druitt and how great he really could be, and Kate because she thought of what may be.

"Thanks, Doc." Kate said sincerely.

"Any time, Kate. And don't worry too much, dear, you'll make the right decision in the end, I'm sure of it." Magnus smiled as she walked out the door.

Sure enough, Helen was right.

A few days later, once Kate's wound was healing up nicely and she was allowed out of doors again, Jimmy and Kate met at a cafe. As Kate sipped on her green tea and Jimmy drank his black coffee, the two talked. Not about Kate's father, or Jimmy's past actions; they swapped stories of their encounters with Abnormals. (Jimmy found it extremely bad-ass of Kate to have thrown someone who had hurt her brother in with a highly dangerous Abnormal, who had ultimately been food for the creature.) They laughed, smiled, and when neither one was talking it wasn't awkward at all. Jimmy still made sexual references and hit on Kate, and she still got butterflies every time he smiled at her.

Kate had never really imagined herself as being one of those girls who got swept off their feet by some guy and were always cutesy and talking about how he made her get butterflies - and she never would be that kind of person. But Jimmy made her feel special, and she decided that it was better to keep the past out of mind and just focus on the present. After all, if Jimmy were to hold every bad thing that she had ever done against her, he would never be able to look at her ever again.

As it turned out, the two made quite the cute couple.

Fin.


End file.
